Nothing Left.

11. A beer and a good friend can make a bad day into a perfect one. 

While the beer is not crucial to this statement, it definitely made for a lot of special memories during that semester. The Kartause Keller has their own brew of dunkel that tastes like...I don't know, really really good Austrian beer. There's nothing like it. Also its right down the stairs from where I lived, a definite plus. A pitcher was just 7 euros but the long talks and great laughs we had went far beyond that. Sometimes we went to the Keller to "study," or just because there was nothing else to do. But my favorite evenings there were just me and a friend, philosophizing and getting deep. Maybe it's my imagination but it also seems like men actually prefer to have discussions over a beer...whatever works for you! Always make time to get to know friends on a deeper level, and those are the friendships you will keep.


12. If you don't want to take a risk, just do it for the story!

(see my first blog post for this one!)

13. When you have nothing left and you feel stripped and vulnerable, give all the glory to God and praise Him still. 

My travels were not always a smooth and thrilling ride. In my fortunate lifetime, I have never thought I would have the feeling of having nothing at all to my name. Well, it happened. My friend Kristen and I decided to go on a last minute weekend trip to Rome to see Pope Francis, a few days after his election to the papacy. We were really excited because it was our second trip to Rome and we were staying with friends and we already knew how to navigate the city. On Saturday, we started at our friend's house near St. Mary Major and walked to the catacombs, and then trekked across the city towards St. Peter's Square to do some shopping. It was a beautiful spring day and we were feeling confident and excited. We had returned to Rome for two reasons, to see Pope Francis and to get more amazing gelato from Frigidarium. If Rome is the center of the Church, then Frigidarium is the center of all gelato.

That was the last gelato I ever had. 

As were eating that cold deliciousness, we decided to hop on a city bus for the last few blocks to St. Peter's. 

Famous last decision. 

The bus was crowded and we struggled to even find standing room. Suddenly, a man tapped Kristen on the shoulder and pointed....her purse was open and her wallet was gone. We leapt off the bus, as if we could somehow catch the culprit. I sucked in a breath, about to start cursing and crying, but before I could, she immediately said "Praise the Lord and give Him the glory. He'll make something beautiful out of this." And with that frame of mind, we survived. After making the necessary phone calls, we decided to continue on to St. Peter's before calling it a day. I stopped in a gift shop to pick up some things to be blessed and reached for my own wallet.......it, too, was gone. To this day I have no idea what happened to mine. We had not a single coin to even take a bus back to where we were staying or even to use the public bathroom. We had basically nothing of worth left in the country, other than our phones, praise God. 

Our police reports. Good times!

Oh, but our adventure had only just begun. We still had to get back to Gaming somehow. 

After being rescued by our amazing friends, we finally got to see Pope Francis. We had nothing to lose, at that point, so we strove to gain. Here is a link to his Angelus homily about the source of the disciples' strength to keep on going. How appropriate. 

In the spirit of St. Francis himself, we made the 20 some hour train trip out of Italy only by a whole lot of begging and praying. In answer to our prayers, we had already miraculously discovered a crumpled 50 euro bill in the bottom of my backpack, sent by a friend to buy her souvenirs. We spent 44 of those euros on a train ticket to Florence, and saved the other 6 for a bus from the train station to Gaming. We prayed so hard that entire train ride; that no one would check our tickets after Florence, that no one would ask for passports, that we wouldn't need any more food or supplies. And nothing bad happened. We had nothing, but we were given everything. By praising Him through the anger, frustration, and fear, I gained trust and a renewed belief in miracles. You'd better believe we kissed the ground of the Kartause when we finally made it home. 

14. Prayers of desperation should be an everyday practice. 

During that same trip, and on a haphazard trip to Cinque Terre the week before, I really truly prayed until my heart ached. I prayed desperately because there was nothing left to do. We weren't going to get our money and documents back, we just had to get back home somehow. But when I was safely back in Gaming, my spirit exhausted from begging, I realized that I should still be praying like that. Our prayers should not wane or become more lax when we don't desperately "need" something. Every day prayer should involve a plea, a cry out for mercy, protection, and the ability to love. For when we do not have love, then we truly have nothing at all.

"And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:2-3

Settle Down, It'll All Be Clear

7. Don't be afraid to pray out loud. 

This was another fun thing I practiced at those 4AM holy hours, among other times. Sometimes, it feels very, very freeing and more conversational and intimate to pray out loud. I don't just mean praying with or over people, I mean full-on, crazy woman, talking out loud by yourself. Well, you don't have to be by yourself....

Or you can try pushing this button and see what happens to your prayer life...you never know.

(If you tried to actually push the button, please tell me. I need a good chuckle.)

8. There is always a good reason for a dance party! Drop everything and dance like crazy. 

As an ex-ballet dancer, a member of Stella Mariae household, and close friend of Michele Volk, I am naturally a huge advocate of spontaneous dance parties. I cannot count the number of times we opened up the door of good old room 209 or went down to the guys' room and cranked the tunes. People inevitably came out of the woodwork and joined the party, unless they thought we were weirdos...which is completely irrational. Or some people would just stand there and watch. Which makes them the weirdoes because its not as if we can actually dance well...Anyway, a few times, Sr. Sarah Rose joined in on our dance parties which just shows how awesome they were, and will continue to be. Apologies in advance if Stella wing is a bit noisy next year...I heard some crazy kids live there!

Michele dancing. 

My personal studies show that dance parties are proven to relieve final exams stress, travel planning problems, no internet Tuesdays, and many other diseases. There is always a reason to just let loose and let your real moves out. There are no excuses that you have something better to do. Stop. I don't want to hear them.

Me dancing.....

I won't dare to go into Julia and Ashley's dancing form...

9. Friends come and go, but family will always be there.

I just got back from a week-long family reunion with over 150 members of my extended family in a cabin in the mountains. I have no desire to discuss this one at this point as I am currently going through  PTSD. Thank you for your understanding.

10. This place is not our home... 

...even though it feels that way and its hard to think of anywhere else as home for a very long time. I've been home for almost 3 months now (unbelievable!) and it still feels like this is just another trip and I'll be walking back through the courtyard at the Kartause again, just in time for classes. When I looked through the back window of that bus on my way to the airport, I knew that wouldn't be my last glimpse of the Gaming. I'll be back. But it is so important emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually, to know that these places and points in time that feel like "as good as it gets" or "the top of the world" are not the end, but only a tiny peek at what awaits us at the end of the tracks. Am I working my whole life, everything I do and say, for another chance to wander in the foothills of the Alps? Am I constantly striving for everything that is good, true, and beautiful, only to be culminated in my dreamlike explorations of the beauty and good times that Europe has to offer? Where is home, then, if not "where the heart is"? That's just it. Even as I type, it is hard for me to trust in this fact. Gaming is not my home, heaven is. Home is where the capital H Heart is. That's home. Until I can fully comprehend this, I will always be searching for that warmth that Gaming and the Kartause brings. Or maybe that's just the warmth of my comforter that I will never forget...

My Comfort, My Shelter.

As my very wise friend Kevin put it so well recently, "Our memories of Austria are a proof of God and our final end as beatific life in heaven, because we have this seemingly insatiable need for that feeling again, a desire for repose in our beloved. "

Yes, that was said in a casual Facebook chat message. Stay tuned for his future encyclicals.

May we all find that repose one day soon, and not get sidetracked by shiny distractions, however tempting it may be, keeping us from our true Home.

God's Way.

4. When you're trying to decide between God's way and the easy way, God's way is always worth it! 

San Damiano Chapel, Assisi

I heard these words in answer to one of the most unforgettable prayer experiences I have ever had. Before our Rome/Assisi 10-day trip, I decided to look into the Romania mission trip, which was a few weeks away. I love mission work and I knew before the semester began that I wanted to do something like this. However, this mission trip would be asking me to give up my free 10-day break trip to some exotic and exciting place, to go and serve in Romania. I wish I could say that I was totally selfless and never even considered doing anything but mission work for my ten-day and I was willing to do whatever it took to get there. But that's not how it was. I had some serious praying to do to figure out why this mission opportunity was still tugging on my heart, despite daydreams of Greece and Croatia and Malta and the Holy Land. For a little while, I even tried to push it out of my head and join the ranks of my fellow students who were going to the magical coasts of Malta. But that still, small voice was always there, urging me to keep attending the mission planning meetings. In Assisi, we entered the church of Santa Chiara, where the original San Damiano Cross is displayed. This is the very Crucifix that spoke to St. Francis centuries ago and commissioned him to go out and "rebuild my Church." Sr. Miriam told our tour group that, from her experience, prayers offered here are answered very clearly, as if the crucified Christ is speaking right to you, just as he spoke to Francis. As I knelt there and prayed for clarity and direction, I felt this unmistakeable and irresistible pull to sit there in His presence forever. It was beautiful. That same day, all of the students gathered at.....a church I wish I could remember which one, for a special Festival of Praise, a monthly tradition at Franciscan. It was a particularly powerful FOP, because it felt as if Francis and Clare and the first Franciscans were joining us there in Assisi. The speaker gave an awesome talk, but I only remember one line because I knew as soon as it was spoken that it was said by Christ on that San Damiano cross to me, loud and clear. He said, "When you're trying to decide between God's way and the easy way, God's way is always worth it!" Then, I realized that the "easy" and more desired way was Malta, and God's way was Romania. I'm sure I would have had the time of my life there, but if it wasn't God's way (for me) then I wasn't about to go in the wrong direction. And I promise you, it was most definitely worth it.

Who knew the original was 3D?

5. Trust in His words on your heart, no matter how much you'd rather not. 

This one is related to the previous one, but it was a lesson I would question over and over, even up to when I got out of that crowded van in The-Middle-of-Nowhere, Romania. I thought, "What am I doing here again, Lord? Please show me soon because I don't get it and I want to be able to put everything into this." The night before we left was the fourth day I had spent almost alone on campus besides my fellow missionaries, because everyone else had already left for ten-day. I got ready and went to Easter Mass by myself, and there was a blizzard outside. I think I watched every movie in the RA office and even did a little homework. Now, it wasn't as depressing as I'm making it sound; all of the professors' families made a delicious brunch for everyone and I did get to know the other missionaries a lot better in that time, but it was still not the glamorous Easter vacation I had imagined for studying abroad. Fortunately, all this alone time proved to be perfect for preparing myself spiritually for this mission trip better than I have ever prepared for one before. I can't believe I'm saying this, but that time alone was enough to make this decision worth it. So trust, trust, TRUST. And most importantly, if you remember the last time you trusted Him, it will never be a difficult decision to do it again.

These teens made it all worth it. (PLEASE note Dr. Newton's face, standing second from the left!) 

These little ones made it all worth it. 

6. Adoration and daily Mass can make you come alive. 

When everything stops at noon every day for Mass in this amazing chapel, a 30 second walk from my room, what excuse could I possibly find? Who knows how many Carthusian monks have sat in my very pew and become saints? That alone is mind-blowing. Not to mention great acoustics in there...

Daily Mass and 24/7 adoration became my only routine and sanity during the semester. Thank goodness God never changes or I would be a mess by now. 

First Things First.

These 41 Things are not in any particular grading order. They were written as they came to mind, which I suppose says something about what I was thinking at the time. That would be an interesting psychological analysis... Anyway, for some of the points I will go deeper into their background and where I learned them or who taught me, but some just stand on their own so I will leave them as so. Ok, I'm getting really excited about this so here we go!

(disclaimer: If I start to get really mushy and emotional at any point, please understand that this project is also REALLY making me miss Austria and I cannot contain the emotions it may stir up.)

This is how I feel some days. 

41 Things.

Sorry,  Michele. 

In the hours before I boarded the bus to the airport to leave Gaming forever, I did two important things. If you were wondering, this does not include the 110% score my roommates and I received on our final room check, which was a miracle in itself, although that was a large part of my Gaming experience. I mean that place was sparkling! It's a big deal! I digress.

Anyway, the two things. I knelt down and picked up a big handful of that crunchy courtyard gravel, a sound I will never forget. If you've never been to the Kartause, it's not as weird as it seems, trust me. Before I went, a friend shared that very gravel as her favorite memory and I laughed at the time, but it's a real thing! (I kept it...that part might be a little weird, I'll admit.)

Earlier that night, I was sitting in the Sacred Heart Chapel in the Kartause for the last time. As I gazed upon my Lover in that ancient, hallowed place, I began to write a list. I decided I was going to write down everything I learned that semester, one by one. I ended up with 41 things before I left the chapel, but that is a list that I will always be adding more to.

Sacred Heart Chapel,  Maria Thron church.

After I walked out of that beloved chapel, I never re-read that list until a few days ago. I was actually shocked at how insightful those things actually were! If it wasn't my own handwriting, I would not believe that I wrote them because I don't even remember writing 95% of them. It was a Holy Spirit infused list, for sure. So for the sake of many of my best friends who are embarking on their own European journey in a few short weeks, and for the sake those who may never get to go, I will share that list with you. Rather than just dumping all 41 at once, I will be listing them and explaining them little by little in the weeks to come. I hope they give you even a fraction of the peace that they have brought me.

"Lo, I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet." [1 Corinthians 15:51-52]

The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost.

This is one of my favorite poems of all time and the inspiration for these reflections on my journey. I memorized it in elementary school and I think I could probably still say it from memory! I often feel as though my entire life, I have taken the road less traveled by, and that has definitely made all the difference. This road is not as worn down and easy to find, and I don't know what lies ahead, but I am certain that my journey has only just begun, and I am ready to race towards my ultimate goal!

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

All Things New.

I would like to hereby use the "God's plans are not my plans" excuse as my reason for neglecting my blog for the entire last half of my semester in Europe. Before you chuckle and think to yourself, "HAH, I knew she wouldn't be able to actually write about every trip!" let me explain. It's a good excuse and here is why.

Firstly, I did not consciously give up on my blog while in Austria, it just...happened. One trip ran into another adventure which ran into another journey and here I am back in Maryland trying to make sense of the blur that is my Gaming semester. To be honest, it makes no sense to me. Somehow, two months ago, I was running through the courtyard of a centuries old monastery with a stuffed backpack bouncing behind me to catch a fast train to where ever my heart led me. Compare that lifestyle to my average day in America and it's almost laughable how absurd the idea seems. Now tell me how and when I was supposed to sit down and figure out what it all meant and write it out on a blog?! I mean seriously who do you think I am, I was traveling across Europe every four days for crying out loud, ain't nobody got time for blogging!!!! Ok, I'm back to being serious now, sorry.

This summer has offered me a lot of down time alone in which to think and pray and sort out the whirlwind of spontaneity that I experienced in the past four months. When you follow your heart and spirit almost exclusively for that length of time, it can be very confusing and distressing to be forced onto an airplane and re-planted in your old life and, in a matter of hours, have to be able to answer THE inevitable question, "How was Austria???"

[Just so you know I will always say "It was so awesome!" and pray that you don't ask the next inevitable question which is "What was your favorite place?" to which I will say "It's hard to choose just one, but it was cool to see both Popes!" There, we just made both of our lives a lot easier by eliminating that small talk! Phew.]

Nevertheless, there is something incredible that happens when you do just that: follow where ever your heart and the Spirit may lead you. It is a beautiful lesson in blessed trust that can only by learned by taking that leap and just....keep on going. I could write for pages about the examples of this that I discovered on the daily. When the Spirit within you says GO, you go. When He says STAY, you stay. When He says LOVE,  you love until it hurts. Then you love some more. I truly went many places and met real people that I loved so much it actually hurt.

[side note that I am realizing as I write....This kind of obedience to the divine will and death to one's own will is not something that should stay in Europe. It's not a lesson that I experienced just so that I can look back on it. Every. Single. Day. needs to start and end with full trust and full commitment of the will to follow where ever we are led to go no matter how crazy or impossible it looks from where we stand. I need to do that way more. Noted. ]

So. Bottom line. I didn't finish my travel blog because I now know that I wasn't supposed to do it then. There are so so so many aspects of those trips that I have only just realized by reflecting on them in the past few weeks. Yes, the memories may have been more fresh and vivid for me to describe right after or during the trip...but those are mine to keep. :) You might think you do, but you probably don't actually care what I physically did in Salzburg or Hallstatt or Wadowice or other random places I went to with unpronounceable names. That's what Facebook photo albums are for. I want you to know why I will never be the same.  I want you to be able to have a peek beneath the surface of my transformed self. I want to show you how the old has passed away, and behold, I am made new!

"So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come. [2 Corinthians 5:17]

to be continued...