The Lepers.

29. Who are the lepers in your life? Embrace them. 

St. Damien

St. Damien of Molokai was a Belgian priest from the 1800s, known as "the leper priest" because he volunteered to go on an assignment to live amongst the leper colony in Honolulu, Hawaii. The lepers there had been cast out of society because of their grotesque appearance and highly contagious disease. Yet Father Damien lived in their midst, reaching out at touching lepers of all ages. Within 8 years, he had contracted the deadly disease, but continued to build hospitals, churches, and hundreds of coffins for the community until his death in 1885. At his canonization in 2009, Benedict XVI noted that he "made the choice to go on the island of Molokai in the service of lepers who were there, abandoned by all. So he exposed himself to the disease of which they suffered. With them he felt at home. The servant of the Word became a suffering servant, leper with the lepers, during the last four years of his life." 

We all have lepers in our lives. Maybe they don't have a nasty disease but they drive us crazy or know exactly how to annoy us. Maybe they make us feel uncomfortable or grossed out. They aren't the people we look forward to seeing or spending time with and we avoid them whenever possible. These are our lepers. 

We are called to not just put up with these people, but to EMBRACE them on a daily basis. I want to try to be more like St. Damien and put my wants and comforts aside and take on the thorns of others, even if it means giving up all I have, never able to go back. He took on their ugliness and pain and lived among them, just as Jesus took on our ugliness and pain. Its not just an action for Jesus to do, we can do it to. Awesome. 

30. We make excuses not to spend time with the ones we dislike, not the One we should love. 

Boom baby. What's your best excuse? Studying? Cleaning? Working? Seeing the Eiffel Tower? LAME. All of them are lame.

31. You're not missing out. Go be alone. 

Ok, I admit it. My name is Corinne Kathryn Purcell and I have chronic FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). This escalated in Austria because I was determined to make the most of my time there and go out and do as much as I could with as many different people as possible. I pretty much lived from movie night to movie night because I just could not say NO! It's sad, I know.

For the most part this is not necessarily a bad thing. Living in the moment is a great way to live and get the most out of life and God's plan for every second of every day. But, news flash, alone time is also invaluable. It's also almost impossible to find at the Kartause. There are people in every crevice and corner; but we forget that there are massive mountains and lakes and hiking paths surrounding that monastery. That means plenty of places to hop on a bike and ride to and just be alone with your thoughts and with God and His creation. It's just as memorable as good times had with other people, the difference is that those are memories that no one else will ever have but you. Find a place where no one else knows but you and go there when you can. Sometimes these are the only sane moments you can snag.

In fact, if you don't any spend time alone, you actually ARE missing out. You are losing precious time that the Lord has set aside in the day for you to be still and listen to only Him, away from the background noise.


32. Don't let distance stop you from going where ever you want to go. 

When you have to make travel plans pretty much every weekend, from train reservations to hostel booking, the one thing that is mysteriously not taken into account is distance (within reason). Especially having the Eurail pass that is prepaid fare, you can go anywhere in Europe. If you want to go to Paris and it's 24 hours away by train, you still go to Paris. If you want to go to Hallstatt, Austria, which is about 4 hours away, you can go. The hours spent in the train never mattered. Time was just a means from one memory to the next. We live in a very small world, friends. Go where you want to go, and be all there.

Photo cred: Matt Seal

Ambassador in Chains.

At this point, I am a little over halfway through my list of 41 lessons God taught me in Austria. When I started, it was a project that was more for the purpose of remembering why and where I learned them before too much time passed and they were forgotten. But I am realizing more and more that these are invaluable memories that I will never forget, because they have shaped and molded me into who I am. I thought I was officially unpacked from the semester when I put the suitcase back in storage and uploaded the last pictures. But the real unpacking is going on right here. And I have a feeling it will be going on for the rest of my life. Praise the Lord! 

25. Pray as a family.

The greatest witnesses I met in Austria were the professors and their children. Each and every family is a shining example of how all families should strive to live. They eat meals together, they play together, they help each other. But most importantly, they attend daily Mass together, they take shifts at adoration, and they pray rosaries together. It helps when you have enough kids where each one can lead a decade! I have felt many powerful emotions, seeing a couple kneeling with their arms around each other whispering prayers in the back of the church after Mass, or watching my professor run to the adoration chapel in the 15 minutes between his classes. In Romania, I rode with the Newton family in their van to one of the schools in the countryside that we were visiting. Despite a few throwing up in the backseat  and some nodding off, they pressed on and the rosary was completed TWICE during that trip. The littlest ones couldn't even keep count of the Hail Marys but it didn't matter because they all helped each other. Mrs. Newton offered beautiful meditations on each of the mysteries, and Prof. Newton chimed in with little theological tidbits. All of this occurred in British accents, by the way. It was one of the most beautifully raw rosaries I have ever been a part of, and I know one day my children will follow this tradition, too.

26. Forgive your spouse every night, and ask for their forgiveness. 

Ok this is revolutionary, folks. Well maybe not, because I don't have a spouse or any experience in this field whatsoever, but I love it. One night in Gaming, the wives and mothers formed a panel about dating and marriage for the ladies to go and ask questions and listen to their stories. One of them shared that she and her husband sit down on the bed each night and forgive each other and ask forgiveness for any time they have wronged the other during that day. That act of humbling themselves and baring themselves before God and one another is what allows their relationship to thrive and be sustained. We often go through the day, totally unaware of something we said or did that may have hurt or upset those we love the most. It's scary and vulnerable and uncomfortable. It almost sounds excessive and over the top. I'm a single college student, but even I can recognize that this kind of communication is crucial to the husband-wife commitment to lead each other to heaven. This practice is another one that I plan to one day incorporate into my relationship with my future spouse.

27. Stop complaining. Instead, offer your pain for those who truly suffer. 

This one is so hard for me. Complaints just fall out of my mouth with no pretense or thought. If I'm hungry, tired, or not feeling well, I just say it out loud. More often than not, I fall into hypochondria and exaggeration before I even attempt to think reasonably about how I'm actually feeling. A little of that is my hypochondriac personality, but mostly I just don't think before I start ranting. In my defense, it's usually a matter-of-fact statement rather than an annoying whine but maybe that's all in my head, too!  However, parts of my life have helped me to cut back on this bad habit and keep my mouth closed (for the most part).

First, my adopted brothers and sisters. My sisters lived in an orphanage in the Philippines their entire lives, from when they were 1 and 2 years old, until they came home to us when they were 11 and 12. They were healthy and fed three meals a day there, but there was absolutely no wasting and no extras. They each had a small plastic bin of clothes and that was it. But on Christmas, each child at the home goes through their bin and chooses something they don't need and they all bring of those clothes outside to the children on the streets who have even less than they do. And here I am complaining that the dryer is slowly eating my socks. They've been home with us for almost 8 months now and they still eat whatever is placed in front of them, whether they like it or not. Ok, they are a little picky now, but their concept of need vs. want is far more mature that the average preteen's.

Street children in the Philippines. 

Through various and sundry experiences and influences like these, I have come to realize one thing. Complaining does absolutely nothing. It makes nothing any better and doesn't even make me feel better. But keeping that complaint inside and offering that discomfort to the Lord for someone else, that actually accomplishes something. That offering makes use of my suffering for good, rather than doing nothing at all.

28. I am an ambassador in chains. 

This bold statement is made by the St. Paul in his letter to the Ephesians. He urges us to take on the armor of God, the sword of the Spirit, and the shield of faith to resist the evil one. He then goes on to say, "With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit. To that end, be watchful with all perseverance and supplication for all the holy ones. And also for me, that speech may be given me to open my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, so that I may have the courage to speak as I must." [Eph. 6:18-20]

Those three verses call out to me. They may as well have been written in a letter to Corinne, instead of the Ephesians. I love the imagery of putting on our armor and preparing for battle against the flaming arrows of the evil one. We are warriors in God's army, fighting for love and truth that has already been won. 

Warriors. The Stella kind.
(That's me, second from right.)

But what does he mean by being "in chains"? Doesn't sound like a very effective missionary. Now, I'm no scriptural theologian, but Paul was literally in chains when he wrote this letter to the Christians in Ephesus. It it believed that during one of his periods of imprisonment, he wrote this letter to encourage and build up the people, despite his afflictions and bondage. He was even known to minister to those who held him captive. He knew that the gospel could not be bound by chains and he was an ambassador of the Word regardless of his own bondage, physically or spiritually. 

In my travels, I often felt chained by exhaustion, by time crunches, by language barriers. It was a struggle to reach beyond strict travel schedules or various discomforts to be present as a witness where ever I went at the same time. But, praise God, it was always fruitful when I succeeded to do so. 

Let's chain ourselves to something greater, like the cross, and be missionaries of the Spirit even when it seems impossible. 

St. Paul, pray for us. 

Real Talk.

20. You can never eat too much Milka or too many kebabs. 

These two are going to kill me for this but these pictures are too perfect. I just won't tell them about it. Julia's face (on left) is not disgust, but rather, "There's no Oreo Milka left, we are going to die."

And I can't look at that kebab anymore because I'm drooling all over the place and that's really inappropriate for my age.

21. Travel is about adventure and unmade plans. 

We had no idea where we were. 

This is another one that is self-explanatory. If you need to have a plan in order to have fun, please go for it. But otherwise, do a little research, book a clean hostel, and MAKE TRAIN RESERVATIONS and just go. Travel overnight, sit next to strangers, sleep wherever you can. Pack light, and bring deodorant and rub it everywhere and you should be fine. If you feel like you are going crazy from lack of sleep, you probably are. So just roll with the punches and take a video so you can look back and laugh later. You'll need that laugh when you get lost or stranded somewhere and you wonder if you'll ever see home again. Welcome every mishap as a surprise adventure and add it to the long list of memories. There is nothing I regret. Not a single Milka bar.


22. Love is needed everywhere.

I bought my first pair of TOMS right before Austria and did a really hipster thing and wrote with Sharpie on the soles of them. I wrote "Take me where love is needed," because I was being all symbolic and sentimental and I wanted those unbelievably comfortable shoes to take my feet to the places where I was called to be. I wanted to live out Mother Theresa's call for us to be Christ's hands and feet on this earth. As it turns out, those shoes taught me a lesson that I should have realized before I even wrote that message on them. Love is needed everywhere. Duh. That is so hard to get our minds around because we are so used to thinking, usually subconsciously, that certain people need or deserve more love than others at any given time. It didn't matter where I wore those shoes, which happened to be everywhere, I was called to be there in that moment. But the gypsies in the slums in Romania need my love just as much as the  bag lady that sits outside the basilica everyday on my way to work in Baltimore. I know that, but I don't always act on it. I walked through that slum with a bleeding heart, but if I'm late for work I sometimes just pass that misfortunate woman like I passed the tree on the block before.

Love is needed everywhere. So take it there yourself.

Hopefully, you won't need your worn-out, smelly shoes to tell you that.

23. Even during the most horrific of tragedies, there is mercy and hope. 

Ah yes, I've been looking forward to this one. This is a biggie. In February, we went on a school trip to Poland. After seeing the miraculous image of Our Lady of Częstochowa, we headed to the Nazi concentration camp in Auschwitz. I was not and could not have been mentally prepared for what I experienced there. (I have told many people about this already so I apologize if I repeat myself.) You can read a library of books about the Holocaust and watch every World War II movie out there and still not be able to adequately comprehend what happened there until you step between the barbed wire fences where it all happened. I didn't say a word that whole day. No one did. There was nothing you could say that wouldn't sound stupid and menial. It was something that everyone should go see but that I never want to see again. Ever. I walked through the cold, wet weather through various cells and torture rooms and filthy living quarters. I passed the execution wall and the place where escapees were hanged for all to see. I walked into the cement gas chamber and walked out the other side, barely able to catch my breath. I saw piles and massive mounds of things that belonged to innocent people who ended up dying with nothing, not even the hair on their heads. One room held thousands of suitcases with names painted on them, as if their owners planned to come back to get them and finally go back home. We also went a few miles down the road to the death camp at Birkenau. As we walked through the snow and slush along the fateful train tracks that ended at the gas chambers, I opened my coat and let my face and hands sting in the freezing wind. I wanted to feel alive. 

Auschwitz

I felt anger and disbelief. I felt hatred. This event was not so far off from the holocaust of the innocent unborn that happens every day, as we speak. How can people walk through this camp and shake their heads at the black souls of the Nazis, but they don't bat an eyelash at the thousands that suffer and die before they even get a breath of air? How bad is it going to get before people are as horrified at that, as they are at the Jewish Holocaust? I. was. so. angry. 

Birkenau

Then I did it. I despaired. I believed that there was no hope left for us. 

But Professor Cassidy had warned us of this. He said, "Before you give in to that despair, make the choice to get back on the bus and go experience Divine Mercy." So I got back on the bus with the other somewhat stunned students and we headed to Krakow. I felt like I could finally breathe. Divine Mercy is one of the most beautiful undeserved gifts we can ever receive.  

   
I love this image of St. Faustina's vision because it reveals something that the normal Divine Mercy image doesn't really show. 

Those rays are shooting out of His heart to flood over us. 

In her diary, St. Faustina wrote these words that she heard from Christ, "There is no misery that could be a match for My mercy, neither will misery exhaust it, because as it is being granted-it increases. The soul that trusts in My mercy is most fortunate, because I  myself take care of it.” (1273)

I hope that I can count myself as one of those blessed souls.  

24. The Divine Mercy chaplet isn't just helpful, it is necessary. 

This basic prayer may take under ten minutes, but it is a desperate plea for mercy and a pledge of trust. It is also a guaranteed conduit for mercy and graces. 

"Say unceasingly the Chaplet that I have taught you. Whoever will recite it, they will receive great mercy at the hour of death. Priests will recommend it to sinners as their last hope of salvation. Even if there were a sinner most hardened, if he were to recite this chaplet only once, he would receive grace from My infinite mercy." (Diary, 687)

Rather, hope.

Pope Benedict XVI. Crying. 

15. Real men cry.

They just do. From the biggest, most moving events, to the smallest touching moments. One weeknight in Austria, I watched The Notebook with two of the most incredibly manly men I know, and one cried (and even knew which parts to cry at), and the other fought the tears with anger. And that is ok. If you have a big heart, then you won't be afraid to let it shine through. Be moved. It's a beautiful thing.

You know who you are. :)

Warrior brothers. Crying. 

Ray Lewis. SuperBowl champ. Crying. 

The most real man of our time. Crying. 

16. We receive a changed heart every day. 

You could say this sentence became my theme for the semester. Thank goodness for continual conversion and constant stirring of the spirit in my heart, or I'd be running on the treadmill of an empty life. One of my favorite Bible stories is the story of the adulteress in John chapter 8. She feels like she can never get out of this deep, dark hole she has found herself in. She feels like her situation is all her fault and no one can save her now, because her life will always be a dirty mess. She feels like she will only be remembered as the cheater, the whore, the girl who has no self-control, because that is what she is. I don't deserve to go on because nothing will change, she thinks. So often we join her there, curled up on the ground, weighed down by hopelessness. It's nothing new, this stoning punishment. Then, as she crouches there in the dust, bracing herself for the blows, she hears a voice over her. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." To her amazement, she hears the stones fall from their hands to the ground around her and soon she is alone with Him. He looks her in the eyes and says, "Neither do I condemn you. Go, and do not sin again." He made her new. He placed a new heart where the stony one had been, so that she could get up and move forward. Every morning, when I open my eyes, after hitting snooze 36 times, I ask for a new heart. A heart that isn't prideful like it was yesterday, a heart that isn't lukewarm like it was yesterday, a heart that isn't despairing like it was yesterday. And every morning, he says to me, "Behold, I make all things new."

"Neither do I condemn you."

Here is a video I made for the middle school religious ed at my parish about God's never-ending promise to make us new again. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCHIA6e-aIg&feature=youtu.be 

17. Do not despair for this generation who reject the Lord, there is hope. 

When I went on mission to Romania, I spent most of my days planning the youth night events for the teens. I then spent my nights doing skits and making a fool of myself, giving talks on chastity and prayer, and leading small groups along with my team. Then, I did it all over again. It was exhausting in every meaning of the word, but especially when I spoke to the teens and felt their ominous despair. It seemed like they all want to leave Romania because they feel like they can't be themselves and fulfill their dreams there. They feel like they are trapped in the world and there is no other choice. Many of them could not even comprehend why we would rather enjoy our careers than make the most money (i.e. youth minister, missionary, teacher). It was very hard to meet them there and break through those high walls that they didn't even know they were building. My team and I often felt pulled down too, at times running out of words to encourage them. But by the end of the week, buried deep within them...there was a tiny seed of hope. One after the other, they asked questions and leaned forward intently as we told them about adoration and confession and chastity. I don't know what they are doing today, but at least they know that hope is a real and living Person.

18. Everyone has a home in the Catholic Church, especially in Rome. 

If I had to describe how I felt when I walked into St. Peter's Basilica in Rome in one word, it would beyond a doubt be HOME. I know this seems to go against my other post, but really it doesn't. That place is the heart of the Body of Christ, that is the Church. Even if you aren't Catholic, that place is your home, and you know that as soon as you step through the doorway and your breath is taken away by the sheer massiveness and beauty of it all. My neck got tired from wandering around with my head up in the air and my mouth open like a dork. There's even a kind of holy light filtering through the upper windows that gives the whole basilica a glow. That feeling of awe can only be attributed to the realization that we belong to something much bigger than our youth group, our parish, or our school. We belong to the Catholic Church, the oldest church founded by Christ, Himself. There are 1.2 billion people who all follow the same beautiful and unchanging teachings, all lead by one man, Pope Francis. Oh, and he happens to live right around the corner from St. Peter's.

Everyone belongs.

Everyone should feel an unmistakeable pull towards Rome.

I know I always will.

19. If the Church is our home, why wouldn't we run to her?? 

This is embarrassing because the person who said this most definitely has no idea that his passing comment has stuck in my mind all this time. So, I am sorry Nick, if you happen to read this and think I'm a crazy lady! :) My friend Nick is a seminarian. He sat behind me on the bus on the long and miserable road trip through the night from Gaming to Rome. We arrived in Rome around 6AM and there was an appointed group that was prepared to run, yes I said run, through the streets to St. Peter's Square to get a spot in line for Pope Benedict XVI's last audience. At one point as the bus was parking, I turned around and Nick was magically wearing his cassock. I said, "Are you a runner?" to which he replied, "I'm home! Why wouldn't I be running??" I was moved. And he was off at a sprint after his beautiful  Bride-to-be, the big ol' Church. Awesome. Thanks, Nick! 

Nothing Left.

11. A beer and a good friend can make a bad day into a perfect one. 

While the beer is not crucial to this statement, it definitely made for a lot of special memories during that semester. The Kartause Keller has their own brew of dunkel that tastes like...I don't know, really really good Austrian beer. There's nothing like it. Also its right down the stairs from where I lived, a definite plus. A pitcher was just 7 euros but the long talks and great laughs we had went far beyond that. Sometimes we went to the Keller to "study," or just because there was nothing else to do. But my favorite evenings there were just me and a friend, philosophizing and getting deep. Maybe it's my imagination but it also seems like men actually prefer to have discussions over a beer...whatever works for you! Always make time to get to know friends on a deeper level, and those are the friendships you will keep.


12. If you don't want to take a risk, just do it for the story!

(see my first blog post for this one!)

13. When you have nothing left and you feel stripped and vulnerable, give all the glory to God and praise Him still. 

My travels were not always a smooth and thrilling ride. In my fortunate lifetime, I have never thought I would have the feeling of having nothing at all to my name. Well, it happened. My friend Kristen and I decided to go on a last minute weekend trip to Rome to see Pope Francis, a few days after his election to the papacy. We were really excited because it was our second trip to Rome and we were staying with friends and we already knew how to navigate the city. On Saturday, we started at our friend's house near St. Mary Major and walked to the catacombs, and then trekked across the city towards St. Peter's Square to do some shopping. It was a beautiful spring day and we were feeling confident and excited. We had returned to Rome for two reasons, to see Pope Francis and to get more amazing gelato from Frigidarium. If Rome is the center of the Church, then Frigidarium is the center of all gelato.

That was the last gelato I ever had. 

As were eating that cold deliciousness, we decided to hop on a city bus for the last few blocks to St. Peter's. 

Famous last decision. 

The bus was crowded and we struggled to even find standing room. Suddenly, a man tapped Kristen on the shoulder and pointed....her purse was open and her wallet was gone. We leapt off the bus, as if we could somehow catch the culprit. I sucked in a breath, about to start cursing and crying, but before I could, she immediately said "Praise the Lord and give Him the glory. He'll make something beautiful out of this." And with that frame of mind, we survived. After making the necessary phone calls, we decided to continue on to St. Peter's before calling it a day. I stopped in a gift shop to pick up some things to be blessed and reached for my own wallet.......it, too, was gone. To this day I have no idea what happened to mine. We had not a single coin to even take a bus back to where we were staying or even to use the public bathroom. We had basically nothing of worth left in the country, other than our phones, praise God. 

Our police reports. Good times!

Oh, but our adventure had only just begun. We still had to get back to Gaming somehow. 

After being rescued by our amazing friends, we finally got to see Pope Francis. We had nothing to lose, at that point, so we strove to gain. Here is a link to his Angelus homily about the source of the disciples' strength to keep on going. How appropriate. 

In the spirit of St. Francis himself, we made the 20 some hour train trip out of Italy only by a whole lot of begging and praying. In answer to our prayers, we had already miraculously discovered a crumpled 50 euro bill in the bottom of my backpack, sent by a friend to buy her souvenirs. We spent 44 of those euros on a train ticket to Florence, and saved the other 6 for a bus from the train station to Gaming. We prayed so hard that entire train ride; that no one would check our tickets after Florence, that no one would ask for passports, that we wouldn't need any more food or supplies. And nothing bad happened. We had nothing, but we were given everything. By praising Him through the anger, frustration, and fear, I gained trust and a renewed belief in miracles. You'd better believe we kissed the ground of the Kartause when we finally made it home. 

14. Prayers of desperation should be an everyday practice. 

During that same trip, and on a haphazard trip to Cinque Terre the week before, I really truly prayed until my heart ached. I prayed desperately because there was nothing left to do. We weren't going to get our money and documents back, we just had to get back home somehow. But when I was safely back in Gaming, my spirit exhausted from begging, I realized that I should still be praying like that. Our prayers should not wane or become more lax when we don't desperately "need" something. Every day prayer should involve a plea, a cry out for mercy, protection, and the ability to love. For when we do not have love, then we truly have nothing at all.

"And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:2-3

Settle Down, It'll All Be Clear

7. Don't be afraid to pray out loud. 

This was another fun thing I practiced at those 4AM holy hours, among other times. Sometimes, it feels very, very freeing and more conversational and intimate to pray out loud. I don't just mean praying with or over people, I mean full-on, crazy woman, talking out loud by yourself. Well, you don't have to be by yourself....

Or you can try pushing this button and see what happens to your prayer life...you never know.

(If you tried to actually push the button, please tell me. I need a good chuckle.)

8. There is always a good reason for a dance party! Drop everything and dance like crazy. 

As an ex-ballet dancer, a member of Stella Mariae household, and close friend of Michele Volk, I am naturally a huge advocate of spontaneous dance parties. I cannot count the number of times we opened up the door of good old room 209 or went down to the guys' room and cranked the tunes. People inevitably came out of the woodwork and joined the party, unless they thought we were weirdos...which is completely irrational. Or some people would just stand there and watch. Which makes them the weirdoes because its not as if we can actually dance well...Anyway, a few times, Sr. Sarah Rose joined in on our dance parties which just shows how awesome they were, and will continue to be. Apologies in advance if Stella wing is a bit noisy next year...I heard some crazy kids live there!

Michele dancing. 

My personal studies show that dance parties are proven to relieve final exams stress, travel planning problems, no internet Tuesdays, and many other diseases. There is always a reason to just let loose and let your real moves out. There are no excuses that you have something better to do. Stop. I don't want to hear them.

Me dancing.....

I won't dare to go into Julia and Ashley's dancing form...

9. Friends come and go, but family will always be there.

I just got back from a week-long family reunion with over 150 members of my extended family in a cabin in the mountains. I have no desire to discuss this one at this point as I am currently going through  PTSD. Thank you for your understanding.

10. This place is not our home... 

...even though it feels that way and its hard to think of anywhere else as home for a very long time. I've been home for almost 3 months now (unbelievable!) and it still feels like this is just another trip and I'll be walking back through the courtyard at the Kartause again, just in time for classes. When I looked through the back window of that bus on my way to the airport, I knew that wouldn't be my last glimpse of the Gaming. I'll be back. But it is so important emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually, to know that these places and points in time that feel like "as good as it gets" or "the top of the world" are not the end, but only a tiny peek at what awaits us at the end of the tracks. Am I working my whole life, everything I do and say, for another chance to wander in the foothills of the Alps? Am I constantly striving for everything that is good, true, and beautiful, only to be culminated in my dreamlike explorations of the beauty and good times that Europe has to offer? Where is home, then, if not "where the heart is"? That's just it. Even as I type, it is hard for me to trust in this fact. Gaming is not my home, heaven is. Home is where the capital H Heart is. That's home. Until I can fully comprehend this, I will always be searching for that warmth that Gaming and the Kartause brings. Or maybe that's just the warmth of my comforter that I will never forget...

My Comfort, My Shelter.

As my very wise friend Kevin put it so well recently, "Our memories of Austria are a proof of God and our final end as beatific life in heaven, because we have this seemingly insatiable need for that feeling again, a desire for repose in our beloved. "

Yes, that was said in a casual Facebook chat message. Stay tuned for his future encyclicals.

May we all find that repose one day soon, and not get sidetracked by shiny distractions, however tempting it may be, keeping us from our true Home.

God's Way.

4. When you're trying to decide between God's way and the easy way, God's way is always worth it! 

San Damiano Chapel, Assisi

I heard these words in answer to one of the most unforgettable prayer experiences I have ever had. Before our Rome/Assisi 10-day trip, I decided to look into the Romania mission trip, which was a few weeks away. I love mission work and I knew before the semester began that I wanted to do something like this. However, this mission trip would be asking me to give up my free 10-day break trip to some exotic and exciting place, to go and serve in Romania. I wish I could say that I was totally selfless and never even considered doing anything but mission work for my ten-day and I was willing to do whatever it took to get there. But that's not how it was. I had some serious praying to do to figure out why this mission opportunity was still tugging on my heart, despite daydreams of Greece and Croatia and Malta and the Holy Land. For a little while, I even tried to push it out of my head and join the ranks of my fellow students who were going to the magical coasts of Malta. But that still, small voice was always there, urging me to keep attending the mission planning meetings. In Assisi, we entered the church of Santa Chiara, where the original San Damiano Cross is displayed. This is the very Crucifix that spoke to St. Francis centuries ago and commissioned him to go out and "rebuild my Church." Sr. Miriam told our tour group that, from her experience, prayers offered here are answered very clearly, as if the crucified Christ is speaking right to you, just as he spoke to Francis. As I knelt there and prayed for clarity and direction, I felt this unmistakeable and irresistible pull to sit there in His presence forever. It was beautiful. That same day, all of the students gathered at.....a church I wish I could remember which one, for a special Festival of Praise, a monthly tradition at Franciscan. It was a particularly powerful FOP, because it felt as if Francis and Clare and the first Franciscans were joining us there in Assisi. The speaker gave an awesome talk, but I only remember one line because I knew as soon as it was spoken that it was said by Christ on that San Damiano cross to me, loud and clear. He said, "When you're trying to decide between God's way and the easy way, God's way is always worth it!" Then, I realized that the "easy" and more desired way was Malta, and God's way was Romania. I'm sure I would have had the time of my life there, but if it wasn't God's way (for me) then I wasn't about to go in the wrong direction. And I promise you, it was most definitely worth it.

Who knew the original was 3D?

5. Trust in His words on your heart, no matter how much you'd rather not. 

This one is related to the previous one, but it was a lesson I would question over and over, even up to when I got out of that crowded van in The-Middle-of-Nowhere, Romania. I thought, "What am I doing here again, Lord? Please show me soon because I don't get it and I want to be able to put everything into this." The night before we left was the fourth day I had spent almost alone on campus besides my fellow missionaries, because everyone else had already left for ten-day. I got ready and went to Easter Mass by myself, and there was a blizzard outside. I think I watched every movie in the RA office and even did a little homework. Now, it wasn't as depressing as I'm making it sound; all of the professors' families made a delicious brunch for everyone and I did get to know the other missionaries a lot better in that time, but it was still not the glamorous Easter vacation I had imagined for studying abroad. Fortunately, all this alone time proved to be perfect for preparing myself spiritually for this mission trip better than I have ever prepared for one before. I can't believe I'm saying this, but that time alone was enough to make this decision worth it. So trust, trust, TRUST. And most importantly, if you remember the last time you trusted Him, it will never be a difficult decision to do it again.

These teens made it all worth it. (PLEASE note Dr. Newton's face, standing second from the left!) 

These little ones made it all worth it. 

6. Adoration and daily Mass can make you come alive. 

When everything stops at noon every day for Mass in this amazing chapel, a 30 second walk from my room, what excuse could I possibly find? Who knows how many Carthusian monks have sat in my very pew and become saints? That alone is mind-blowing. Not to mention great acoustics in there...

Daily Mass and 24/7 adoration became my only routine and sanity during the semester. Thank goodness God never changes or I would be a mess by now. 

First Things First.

These 41 Things are not in any particular grading order. They were written as they came to mind, which I suppose says something about what I was thinking at the time. That would be an interesting psychological analysis... Anyway, for some of the points I will go deeper into their background and where I learned them or who taught me, but some just stand on their own so I will leave them as so. Ok, I'm getting really excited about this so here we go!

(disclaimer: If I start to get really mushy and emotional at any point, please understand that this project is also REALLY making me miss Austria and I cannot contain the emotions it may stir up.)

This is how I feel some days. 

41 Things.

Sorry,  Michele. 

In the hours before I boarded the bus to the airport to leave Gaming forever, I did two important things. If you were wondering, this does not include the 110% score my roommates and I received on our final room check, which was a miracle in itself, although that was a large part of my Gaming experience. I mean that place was sparkling! It's a big deal! I digress.

Anyway, the two things. I knelt down and picked up a big handful of that crunchy courtyard gravel, a sound I will never forget. If you've never been to the Kartause, it's not as weird as it seems, trust me. Before I went, a friend shared that very gravel as her favorite memory and I laughed at the time, but it's a real thing! (I kept it...that part might be a little weird, I'll admit.)

Earlier that night, I was sitting in the Sacred Heart Chapel in the Kartause for the last time. As I gazed upon my Lover in that ancient, hallowed place, I began to write a list. I decided I was going to write down everything I learned that semester, one by one. I ended up with 41 things before I left the chapel, but that is a list that I will always be adding more to.

Sacred Heart Chapel,  Maria Thron church.

After I walked out of that beloved chapel, I never re-read that list until a few days ago. I was actually shocked at how insightful those things actually were! If it wasn't my own handwriting, I would not believe that I wrote them because I don't even remember writing 95% of them. It was a Holy Spirit infused list, for sure. So for the sake of many of my best friends who are embarking on their own European journey in a few short weeks, and for the sake those who may never get to go, I will share that list with you. Rather than just dumping all 41 at once, I will be listing them and explaining them little by little in the weeks to come. I hope they give you even a fraction of the peace that they have brought me.

"Lo, I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet." [1 Corinthians 15:51-52]

The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost.

This is one of my favorite poems of all time and the inspiration for these reflections on my journey. I memorized it in elementary school and I think I could probably still say it from memory! I often feel as though my entire life, I have taken the road less traveled by, and that has definitely made all the difference. This road is not as worn down and easy to find, and I don't know what lies ahead, but I am certain that my journey has only just begun, and I am ready to race towards my ultimate goal!

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

All Things New.

I would like to hereby use the "God's plans are not my plans" excuse as my reason for neglecting my blog for the entire last half of my semester in Europe. Before you chuckle and think to yourself, "HAH, I knew she wouldn't be able to actually write about every trip!" let me explain. It's a good excuse and here is why.

Firstly, I did not consciously give up on my blog while in Austria, it just...happened. One trip ran into another adventure which ran into another journey and here I am back in Maryland trying to make sense of the blur that is my Gaming semester. To be honest, it makes no sense to me. Somehow, two months ago, I was running through the courtyard of a centuries old monastery with a stuffed backpack bouncing behind me to catch a fast train to where ever my heart led me. Compare that lifestyle to my average day in America and it's almost laughable how absurd the idea seems. Now tell me how and when I was supposed to sit down and figure out what it all meant and write it out on a blog?! I mean seriously who do you think I am, I was traveling across Europe every four days for crying out loud, ain't nobody got time for blogging!!!! Ok, I'm back to being serious now, sorry.

This summer has offered me a lot of down time alone in which to think and pray and sort out the whirlwind of spontaneity that I experienced in the past four months. When you follow your heart and spirit almost exclusively for that length of time, it can be very confusing and distressing to be forced onto an airplane and re-planted in your old life and, in a matter of hours, have to be able to answer THE inevitable question, "How was Austria???"

[Just so you know I will always say "It was so awesome!" and pray that you don't ask the next inevitable question which is "What was your favorite place?" to which I will say "It's hard to choose just one, but it was cool to see both Popes!" There, we just made both of our lives a lot easier by eliminating that small talk! Phew.]

Nevertheless, there is something incredible that happens when you do just that: follow where ever your heart and the Spirit may lead you. It is a beautiful lesson in blessed trust that can only by learned by taking that leap and just....keep on going. I could write for pages about the examples of this that I discovered on the daily. When the Spirit within you says GO, you go. When He says STAY, you stay. When He says LOVE,  you love until it hurts. Then you love some more. I truly went many places and met real people that I loved so much it actually hurt.

[side note that I am realizing as I write....This kind of obedience to the divine will and death to one's own will is not something that should stay in Europe. It's not a lesson that I experienced just so that I can look back on it. Every. Single. Day. needs to start and end with full trust and full commitment of the will to follow where ever we are led to go no matter how crazy or impossible it looks from where we stand. I need to do that way more. Noted. ]

So. Bottom line. I didn't finish my travel blog because I now know that I wasn't supposed to do it then. There are so so so many aspects of those trips that I have only just realized by reflecting on them in the past few weeks. Yes, the memories may have been more fresh and vivid for me to describe right after or during the trip...but those are mine to keep. :) You might think you do, but you probably don't actually care what I physically did in Salzburg or Hallstatt or Wadowice or other random places I went to with unpronounceable names. That's what Facebook photo albums are for. I want you to know why I will never be the same.  I want you to be able to have a peek beneath the surface of my transformed self. I want to show you how the old has passed away, and behold, I am made new!

"So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come. [2 Corinthians 5:17]

to be continued...